Love All, Trust Few, Do Wrong To None.

“People always let you down” edition.

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Public service announcement: just because I’m a lesbian doesn’t mean I’m hitting on you when I say you look pretty.  I may just be commenting on the attractiveness of another human being in a purely platonic way.  In certain circumstances I may actually be hitting on you but why jump to conclusions?

We had our Take Back The Night and it was awesome.  Not only did we have a great group despite cold snowy/rainy weather, but we had a campus cop and a city cop escorting us :)  They blocked traffic, ran their lights and brought even more attention.  And even cooler is the fact that they came.  Neither police department has ever provided an officer for the event.  I’m really impressed with the efforts they’ve been putting in to support our clients.  We went back to a local church and head a speak-out where survivors could share their stories in a supportive environment.  We end it with a candlelight vigil to all those who have (and those who have not) survived.  The pastor of the church always has a great non-denomentational prayer he says.  This year it was pretty great.  The whole evening was pretty great.  It’s small and it’s grassroots.  It always has been.  If you can reach a cop here or a medical worker there, that’s the way we unfamous people make a difference.  Is our little stand going to end sexual violence?  No.  But it gives people a forum to share their experience.  I encourage everyone to join in on your local Take Back The Night.  It’s an experience :)

So….I have been making a very conscious effort to curb the snacking.  I realized I graze all day, not unlike a cow, and had thus began to resemble one.  No good.  I often came home from my dads looking/feeling slimmer despite not eating as strict during meal times.  It had to be the fact that I don’t graze at my dad’s house.  So I the past week and a half I have been much more mindfully munching and I’ve already noticed a difference.  My pants are looser, my tummy is less bloated, I feel better.  I should have given up the grazing long ago (even though I love it).  I just need to keep my blinders on and keep plugging away to get where I want to be.  Because I am sick of not liking my body.  I have until the end of August to but the “fit” in fitness instructor.  After that I will have my own class of fitness hopefuls to lead, which I take very seriously.  I am never going to be skinny but I refuse to be a pudgy BodyCombat instructor.  I REFUSE. COMMENCE HARD WORK.

I PASSED!!! I can now begin teaching and then I submit a video of myself teaching an entire class to the Les Mills Assessors.  If I pass that I am a certified member of the tribe!  I am still on cloud 9.  It was amazing.  I was worried that everyone was going to be ridiculously fit and intimidating and I would be this little oddball but it was amazing.  Everyone was so friendly and we all helped each other and kept each other energized and had a really fun weekend.  It was hard and exhausting but I my technique is WORLDS better.

Our instructor/trainer Tasha was seriously the best.  I hate when a teacher or coach is like “wow that was amazing, you’re so great, what a special snowflake…” and doesn’t give you criticism.  I need someone to tell me what I’m screwing up so I can fix it.  She would always tell us a few things we did well and then say “for next time fix _____.”  It was perfect.  We learned about all facets of being an instructor: choreography, coaching, technique, connecting, and fitness magic.  Now before you scoff at fitness magic, that refers to that intangible feeling that gives you goosebumps.  When you have that awesome workout and you feel it in your bones because everything comes together perfectly.  It was great learning about instructing from all sides. 

The technique/drill sessions were equally awesome.  She went through every punch/kick/movement slowly so we could practice exactly where it should be and gave us good feedback.  When she explains each part of the movement, it really sinks in and becomes easier to understand.  We did drills that show you where your body should be like holding something up that you had to punch through so your arm is in the right spot.  It was genius.  I think I finally understand what to do.  And I realized that I can do a lot more than I think.  I did 2 minute planks during the end of the boot camp-like Combat Challenge.  I did a ton of mountain climbers.  I didn’t give up. 

That and learning all of the technique makes me want to really get my body in line.  And for the first time, I’m approaching it from a place of strength.  Instead of thinking about how hard and awful trying to lose this weight will be, I am excited to finally look how I feel.  I want my body to be a tool that I use to shape my participants and my future patients as a nurse.  I want to live what I preach: being healthy and fit.  One of the ethics of the Les Mills Creed is “we keep ourselves in peak physical condition.”  I want to live that.  I am not going to pretend like I’m not healthy.  I am.  I was able to do 8 hours of hard exercise two days in a row and have very healthy blood pressure/pulse/cholesterol/etc.  I am physically healthy.  But I also have excess body fat that keeps me from being able to go as hard as I could.  It’s also keeping me from enjoying my 20s.  I should be out living life and instead I have no self-confidence and no self-esteem and hide in my room instead of being social.  I want to start thriving.  So instead of looking at this as something hard and stressful I am going to keep my warrior mind set: I can do anything I set my mind to.

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Today I was observing in the OR and it was AWESOME.  I got to follow around the scrub nurse as she set all the sterile equipment up and then followed the circulating nurse as she got the patient and did her job.  Then I got to watch the surgery from 2 feet away (so as not to get in the sterile field) and ask tons of questions.  I even got to poke/touch/hold the excess adipose/glandular tissue after they had removed it. It was so cool.  Surgical nursing was always at the top of my list but now it is really really at the top.  I think it would be a great specialty for me.

I am feeling extremely relaxed.  I needed a relaxing wine night.  I have been so stressed out and instead of “drowning my sorrows” i am celebrating my accomplishments.  I got a 97.8% in med/surge, a 96% in mental health, and an 88% (not so proud of that one) in research.  I have been working hard in school, at my job, and in the gym.  I deserve a little relaxation.  I am feeling verrrrrrrry relaxed.

I hate that I took it easy yesterday and I’m still absurdly sore.  Like hobbling around work and cursing stairs sore. In hindsight, calf-pressing 180 was excessive since that was my go-to when I was in lifty shape.  Which is probably why my calves are dying right now.  I can only imagine how fun tomorrow will be. *facepalm*

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